Herstory

by Libby Anne cross posted from her blog Love, Joy Feminism

Evangelical teachings on repentance and forgiveness create a tremendous problem when it comes to rape or other forms of abuse. If you commit a sin and repent of it, God forgives you. I remember hearing Psalm 103:12 quoted constantly: “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Of course, this was always said in a positive way—isn’t it awesome that God forgives us no matter what? But it doesn’t must mean God forgives us. It also means God forgives rapists, child molesters, and so on—fully and completely.

of [relationship] ‘vigilance’ include calling at unexpected times to see who s/he was with, having their friends check up on him/her, dropping by unexpectedly to see what s/he is doing, not letting s/he out of their site at a party. Examples of [relationship] violence include: hitting the [person] who made a pass at [their partner], slapping the [person] who made a pass a their partner, threatening their partner, and getting his/her friends to beat up the person who was interested in their partner.

Other tactics of ‘mate guarding’ include the ‘concealment of a mate’ (e.g., not taking them out to the party where other males/females will be present), ‘monopolizing of a mate’s time’ (e.g., spending all their free time with their partner so that they cannot meet anyone else), verbal threats, (e.g., threatening to break up with him/her if they ever cheat…), derogation of competition, (e.g., pointing out to their partner the other man/woman’s flaws), resource display, (e.g., buying them an expensive gift), appearance enhancement, (e.g., making themselves ‘extra attractive’ for their partner), sexual inducement, (e.g., performing sexual favors to keep their partner around), physical signs of possession, (e.g., holding their partner’s hand when other men/women are around), and possessive ornamentation, (e.g., asking their partner to wear a ring signifying that s/he is taken).

Men and women differ in how frequently they perform these mate-guarding tactics. Men are more likely than women to attempt to conceal their mates, use possessive markings, (e.g., asking her to wear his jacket), display resources, threaten rivals, and use physical violence toward rivals as tactics of mate guarding. Women are more likely than men to enhance their physical appearance and flirt with other men as tactics of mate guarding.

Our study of 107 newlywed married couples explored predictors of the intensity of effort a person allocated to mate guarding. Men married to young and physically attractive women, those high in reproductive value, mate-guarded them most intensely. These men were more likely than other men to conceal their mates, display emotional outbursts at the slightest signals of infidelity, and threaten other men with violence. Examples of the specific actions these men performed include:

(1) Refusing to take her to the party where other men were present, (2) Insisting that she spend all her free time with him, (3) Yelling at her for talking to another man, (4) Telling her that he would die if she ever left him, (5) Derogating the other man’s intelligence, (6) Staring coldly at the other guy who was looking at her.

Just as women’s youth and physical attractiveness figure heavily in men’s initial mate preference, they also determine the intensity of effort men devote to holding on to her.

Buss, David. "The Murderer Next Door: Why The Mind Is Designed To Kill." Penguin Press; New York, 2005. (p. 146 - 147)
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Document the Abuse, Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit

Born out of the Stacy Peterson Case, the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (E.A.A.) was created for victims of domestic violence, to insure that the victim’s words about her fears and previous violence will not disappear if she does. The ability to prove who likely seriously injured, abducted, or killed someone is as only as good as the evidence. The E.A.A. was developed to assist victims in documenting their experiences in ways that will help the legal system successfully prosecute in the future.

An Alabama jail guard raped an inmate repeatedly, and the female warden told her there was nothing she could do about it - but put her on birth control, the woman claims in court.

What if getting help from the cops also meant you could get evicted?
That's the scary reality for numerous tenants across the country who live in municipalities with "nuisance property" ordinances, according to a new report by The New York Times.